1. |
Overdramatic, Manic
06:03
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I can't get you out of my head
You're not stuck with me but I'm stuck with you
Your words echo in my mind all day
I try to stop but my thoughts always wander back your way
I'm overdramatic
I'm bordering on manic
I hate you, I need you
I hate that I wanna be you
You saved me, forsaked me
Made me feel like I was crazy
You gave me the words I needed without ever knowing my name
I lay awake in a life that's falling apart
Reality just can't keep up with my heart
Each sleepless night I become more and more aware
That this loneliness has grown to a point I can no longer bear
I'm getting more and more obsessed
To the point of being depressed
There's nothing that I want more than your attention
I want to break free from this anxious social tension
Just give me the words I need just tell me that you know my name
Can we talk about something
Can we talk about something else
I'd like to talk about something
Just talk about anything else
Can we talk about something
Can we talk about something else
I want to think about something
Just think about something else
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2. |
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Every time I come here there are less and less people I know
And every new piece of furniture is a reminder of what I've outgrown
It's the little things on top of the big things that push you over the edge
And it's the big things under the surface that further this looming sense of dread
I need to get out of this town, this state, I need to get away
I'm packing all of my shit into my van and driving out west all day
Maybe seeing the empty fields on the side of the highway will speak to me
Show me the answers to all my problems, that in my room I just can't see
Nothing is enough for me
As soon as I try to write something my thoughts crumble to dust
No words that I can come up with feel like they would ever be good enough
I want every line to mean something, every motif to be profound
I want to stab my pen into my arm and watch the unformed words bleed out
Talk slower
Don't try to fit so many words into one line
Live slower
You can't do everything in just a single lifetime
Nothing is enough for me
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3. |
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I know that I'm supposed to care
About what's happening around me
But I just can't bring myself
To be interested
I wish I could dissociate
Close my eyes and not be here
Skip ahead to a time and place
When I don't feel like this
'Cause I'd rather do nothing at all
Than do literally anything else
I keep letting the little things slide
'Til everything is gone
Behind every action that I take
Are all of the ones that I don't
How the fuck am I supposed to choose
What makes the cut?
I hide myself in a shroud of stagnation
Always fearing that judgemental gaze
Quitting, and flaking, not giving and not taking
Just taking up space
'Cause the reality is that I cannot stand
Even the littlest bit of distress
So I keep letting the little things slide
'Til everything is gone
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4. |
Speak Your Mind
02:20
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Is everything alright, is everything okay?
Is everything all good, if it's not just say
The weight of this silence is crushing my soul
If I don't speak my mind, I'm gonna lose control
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5. |
Angst
06:12
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Maybe I should go to the store
Maybe I should call my dad
Maybe I should talk to my friends more often
I have no more food left in my freezer
And my sisters don't text me anymore
I communicate exclusively in sad status messages
And hope that my friends will see
I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen
So now I take it out at 22
I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen
So now I take it out on you
I'm sick of having to beg for attention
I'm sick of feeling like I can't say no
I'm sick of having friends who secretly hate each other
The people that I talk to the most
Are those I approach with a mirror
I learned early on not to let them see
Any glimpses of my true self
I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen
So now I take it out at 22
I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen
So now I take it out on you
I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen
So now I take it out at 22
I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen
So now I take it out on-
You!!!
Which one of us ruined things first?
Which one of us hammered the final nail?
We trapped ourselves inside our own coffin
We made this bed together, now we'll lie in our own misery
Can't we just be okay with not being friends?
Why do we have to tear each other to shreds?
Do we have to let things boil over
'Til we're burned by the other's self loathing?
I wouldn't let my teen angst out when I was a teen
So now I take it out at 22
I wouldn't let my teen angst out when I was a teen
I hate myself for taking it all out on you
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6. |
The Plural You
04:54
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How many hands would it take, to count all the 'you's that I've known?
And how many albums if I wrote a song for each opportunity I've thrown?
I look into the mirror, trying to piece together what I can find
But when I walk down memory lane the only footprints that I see are mine
I practice saying "yeah, I'm fine" before walking out the door
Am I better off having known you than I was all alone before?
And now it feels like I've reached the other side of something
With no trace of (when I left you behind) (when you left me behind)
How many 'you's am I singing to when I say 'you'
How many friends, how many countless dead ends, have I gone through?
I'm at the end of my rope, with more 'yous' than ever I could call to
So why am I left feeling more alone than ever?
I wish I knew
I wish I knew
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Halo of Light New Jersey
Halo of Light is the musical project of MaeveDX, a person who is reported to exist on
occasion.
With a blend of indie rock, folk, and electronic genres, she creates a sound reminiscent of someone who spends too much time in their basement surrounded by guitar pedals and synthesizers, tangled up in XLR cables
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