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The Plural You

by Halo of Light

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1.
I can't get you out of my head You're not stuck with me but I'm stuck with you Your words echo in my mind all day I try to stop but my thoughts always wander back your way I'm overdramatic I'm bordering on manic I hate you, I need you I hate that I wanna be you You saved me, forsaked me Made me feel like I was crazy You gave me the words I needed without ever knowing my name I lay awake in a life that's falling apart Reality just can't keep up with my heart Each sleepless night I become more and more aware That this loneliness has grown to a point I can no longer bear I'm getting more and more obsessed To the point of being depressed There's nothing that I want more than your attention I want to break free from this anxious social tension Just give me the words I need just tell me that you know my name Can we talk about something Can we talk about something else I'd like to talk about something Just talk about anything else Can we talk about something Can we talk about something else I want to think about something Just think about something else
2.
Every time I come here there are less and less people I know And every new piece of furniture is a reminder of what I've outgrown It's the little things on top of the big things that push you over the edge And it's the big things under the surface that further this looming sense of dread I need to get out of this town, this state, I need to get away I'm packing all of my shit into my van and driving out west all day Maybe seeing the empty fields on the side of the highway will speak to me Show me the answers to all my problems, that in my room I just can't see Nothing is enough for me As soon as I try to write something my thoughts crumble to dust No words that I can come up with feel like they would ever be good enough I want every line to mean something, every motif to be profound I want to stab my pen into my arm and watch the unformed words bleed out Talk slower Don't try to fit so many words into one line Live slower You can't do everything in just a single lifetime Nothing is enough for me
3.
I know that I'm supposed to care About what's happening around me But I just can't bring myself To be interested I wish I could dissociate Close my eyes and not be here Skip ahead to a time and place When I don't feel like this 'Cause I'd rather do nothing at all Than do literally anything else I keep letting the little things slide 'Til everything is gone Behind every action that I take Are all of the ones that I don't How the fuck am I supposed to choose What makes the cut? I hide myself in a shroud of stagnation Always fearing that judgemental gaze Quitting, and flaking, not giving and not taking Just taking up space 'Cause the reality is that I cannot stand Even the littlest bit of distress So I keep letting the little things slide 'Til everything is gone
4.
Is everything alright, is everything okay? Is everything all good, if it's not just say The weight of this silence is crushing my soul If I don't speak my mind, I'm gonna lose control
5.
Angst 06:12
Maybe I should go to the store Maybe I should call my dad Maybe I should talk to my friends more often I have no more food left in my freezer And my sisters don't text me anymore I communicate exclusively in sad status messages And hope that my friends will see I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen So now I take it out at 22 I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen So now I take it out on you I'm sick of having to beg for attention I'm sick of feeling like I can't say no I'm sick of having friends who secretly hate each other The people that I talk to the most Are those I approach with a mirror I learned early on not to let them see Any glimpses of my true self I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen So now I take it out at 22 I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen So now I take it out on you I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen So now I take it out at 22 I couldn't get my teen angst when I was a teen So now I take it out on- You!!! Which one of us ruined things first? Which one of us hammered the final nail? We trapped ourselves inside our own coffin We made this bed together, now we'll lie in our own misery Can't we just be okay with not being friends? Why do we have to tear each other to shreds? Do we have to let things boil over 'Til we're burned by the other's self loathing? I wouldn't let my teen angst out when I was a teen So now I take it out at 22 I wouldn't let my teen angst out when I was a teen I hate myself for taking it all out on you
6.
How many hands would it take, to count all the 'you's that I've known? And how many albums if I wrote a song for each opportunity I've thrown? I look into the mirror, trying to piece together what I can find But when I walk down memory lane the only footprints that I see are mine I practice saying "yeah, I'm fine" before walking out the door Am I better off having known you than I was all alone before? And now it feels like I've reached the other side of something With no trace of (when I left you behind) (when you left me behind) How many 'you's am I singing to when I say 'you' How many friends, how many countless dead ends, have I gone through? I'm at the end of my rope, with more 'yous' than ever I could call to So why am I left feeling more alone than ever? I wish I knew I wish I knew

about

Drums on Track 5 are by Infinite Drum Tracks

Special thanks to Abra, BP, Donut, and func_door. Without their support and encouragement this album would never have gotten made.

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released October 2, 2022

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Halo of Light New Jersey

Halo of Light is the musical project of MaeveDX, a person who is reported to exist on occasion.

With a blend of indie rock, folk, and electronic genres, she creates a sound reminiscent of someone who spends too much time in their basement surrounded by guitar pedals and synthesizers, tangled up in XLR cables
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